Friday, August 21, 2015
So many times when I would see someone less fortunate then I, maybe in a crowd or on the side of the road, these very words would come to my mind, " but by the grace of God, go I", ICorinthians 15:10. When I would utter these words my heart would say, "that could be me, or my father or brother or son". It both humbled and chastised me. It reminded me to not to think of myself better or more important and also reminded me to pray for this person. It didn't matter how they got to where they were in life because in my heart it brought me to my knees. A profound sadness and thankfulness at the same time. Anything that can have that kind of affect on me, deserves to have my full attention. So then grace I felt, was a gift from God that is not earned and not deserved.
Now let me tell you I believe we all fall short of deserving any good gift, but God can do whatever He chooses with His servants and I for one, am very happy that He is just and fair. I then put grace in a neat little box, with a big bow and checked it off my list. So I am going along in life and things were shifting as they often do in prayer life and I was beginning to find it very hard to just naturally do the right thing. I mean I thought I had it pretty much under control, but lately, I was finding it difficult to do the right thing, right away. It was in the small incidents at first and then little by little I couldn't remember certain verses I memorized, I felt like my common sense wasn't making any sense. I was in a boat without an oar. My wisdom and right thinking seem to be flying out the window. I wasn't happy or fulfilled, I was disgusted with myself. To get to this age with so much water under the bridge to find out I never got rid of the old demons, to realize that they can still can be conjured up felt very disheartening. The good news is that I was aware of it, I mean I felt convicted. Though I must confess it just reminded me that I am totally powerless when it comes to old demons. I cannot fight them on my own.
Then one day while watching one of my shows on TV a preacher spoke about grace and a light bulb went off. He said that grace was the power the Holy Spirit gives you so that you don't sin, that is why you pray for it everyday in every situation where you are tempted to sin. Wow, power to keep me from sinning, power to help me do the right thing even in spite of myself. I felt so relieved that I had help and not just any help but the Holy Spirit who is the one Jesus left here to help us in the first place. Why was I trying all this time to do the right thing, when the right thing was to invite the Holy Spirit was standing in the doorway beckoning me to let Him in. God already had Plan B in place the moment that sin (from Adam) entered the world, He knows us better than we know ourselves. Hmmm, grace is my new best friend, I love grace.