Tuesday, June 21, 2011

I Want A Do Over

There I said it.  "I want a do over."  I mean don't you ever, just want to go back and revisit your past and change the direction you took?  To be perfectly honest, I can't (or won't ),  recall wanting to ever go back in time, except, maybe, lately.  I really am having a hard time with my mortality.  I suppose it is because I am getting older and I've experienced having my parents around well into old age.  My dad passed at 88 years old and my mom just turned 90.  The benefits of have that continuity in your life is precious, however there is a deep rooted fear of what would life be like when they are gone, after having them around for so long.  You also get to experience many issues getting older involves, though you won't always understand it until they are gone.  I still cry when I hear my father's concerns about getting old and  I was so gibe about it.  Saying such wonderful things like, "oh dad, that happens to me too, what are ya going to do."  That just kills me.  Anyway I am using that experience,  of what not to do with my mom.  Everything starts to change.  The relationship reverses and you find yourself hanging on every word, every memory, like never before.  Your parent is the same, but so different. You can hear  the urgency in their voice, you can feel the race.  You want to pick them up in your arms and run with them to the finish line. 

You know, we go so long growing up, growing away, being independent, not needing anyone.  Then full circle comes around and we grow old, we want to move closer, we become dependent needing help from everyone.  It seems to me, I should have spent more time getting closer to my family members, because in the end we just forgive them anyway.  I mean, we forgive strangers, why not our family members.  I would spend more time learning how to ask for help and being a help in return.  I would spend more time developing relationships and not just acquaintances.  I discovered on this, my journey in life, that developing relationships is an art.  Dealing with people God puts in our path is part of His purpose and plan for our lives.  Running from them requires nothing but a good pair of sneakers. 

I suppose it is to late for a, "Do Over", however it is not to late for a "Start Over",  I know I can't go back.  I can't get back the people I lost, but I can make sure I can take care of the people I have left in my life.  This getting older has some wonderful, delightful and exciting times ahead and I am going to make sure I can enjoy every minute of them.  God Bless!!